backstage diary
this one's more intimate than my regular blog - if that’s possible ;) – you won’t really find updates here...just thoughts and experiences from along the way…and a spoken word joint or two. please comment me!
new entries posted every full moon!
RAGE
i'm in a Rage
fed up.
somewhere beneath all this deferential wound licking
is simmering
an eruption
fed up
of being misdirected; misled,
of being too nice
and giving counterfeits the benefit of my self doubt
somewhere back there,
fed up
of throwing my hands up;
pulling punches,
the roots of my couRage
are catching kindling;
throwing sparks
get. out. of. my. way.
Permalink
it ain't easy..
an excerpt from my fictional work ;) - working on a song of the same title
"Hmm?"
"Thank you."
It was so easy with him. Because she already knew. Before she ever looked in his eyes..Before breath. It had been written in the stars; upon their hearts.
So when he leaned towards her, outside the bathroom door, she didn't flinch. Her breath did not catch. Her heart did not skip a beat. She did not second guess her instincts; wonder if she was reading him right..if he could be trusted...if he meant it..what he did. Her belly did not roll. Nothing in her trembled. She was not afraid.
He kissed her brow in that same spot, that very same spot, and everything began to slip away: her last defenses against the exhaustion, fear; tears.
A thousand dams broke on the precipice of exhale.
He led her to the inner chamber and tub. Left her to the waters he'd prepared...he couldn't help but linger beyond the outer doors listening to her cathartic moans as the warm water seeped into her every place. Every molecule. It loved her. And where it found purchase the black waters; the tainted blood did not have space to stay. They drained away. It all drained away..what had been done to her. Collecting in a heavy black puddle, beneath her, at the bottom. Until she unstopped the tub and it all drained away. They drained away.
- Nicole Andre
de la croix
this one's for my catholic school kin
coming to terms with the aftermath
of a crisis of faith
literalist,
hyper historical
hypo essential
faith
if we are the angels and demons then this is a whole different ball game;
circle,
of light
shocking religion
of getting up off our knees
and moving our feet
when we pray
dance with this
Flame
coming to terms with the aftermath
of a crisis of faith
literalist,
hyper historical
hypo essential
faith
if we are the angels and demons then this is a whole different ball game;
circle,
of light
shocking religion
of getting up off our knees
and moving our feet
when we pray
dance with this
Flame
begin again
all this stagnant water
crabs smelling foul like fetid green
demanding training
growing me
there's something salvageable underneath
inertia's slippery tarnish
wash away;
come clean
save something
for me
for when it seems a cruel lonely world,
that's only fear acting
choose
Again
choose me.
only love can save us now
only love can save me
...your blood pressure slows;
expectations soar...
i am working on a balm.
peace,
antithetical-seeming seeds
mark twain said "courage is not the absence of fear." I heard a clergyman say recently that "faith is not the opposite of doubt." In truth, the dark; shadowy and grey we often percieve as antithetical to our Light are, in fact, necessary for it. As I seek my peace with this. I dance towards grace...
It's a practice...